Boundaries: How Can People React When We Form Boundaries For The First Time?

Although it is vital for human begins to have boundaries, it doesn’t mean that they always have them. And this could be the case with some areas of their life or it could apply to each and every area of their life.

Ultimately, boundaries protect ones personal space and therefore stop others from doing things that could cause them harm. This doesn’t mean that one will never feel compromised or violated, but through having boundaries, these kinds of experiences are likely to occur a lot less often.

One doesn’t have to live in an environment that is war torn or extremely hostile for instance, in order to be around people who will cause them to feel violated in one way or another. Someone could do something that is not intended to take advantage of another and they could end up feeling this way.

Individual Differences

And this is largely because each one of us is different and therefore feels comfortable with different things. What would be classed as acceptable to one person or in a certain culture might not be acceptable to another person or another culture.

But without even bringing different cultures into this, there are clear differences within the same culture. So one person could have absolutely no intention of infringing on another person space and yet that’s exactly what happens.

While there can be certain things that are generally recognised as inappropriate, there are going to be many others things that are personal and the average person might have no idea as to what these are.

Speaking Up

This is why it is so important that one speaks up and stands their ground during these moments. Another person might be doing something on purpose or they might be completely oblivious, but as long as one notifies the other person, then there is a greater chance that they will stop.

Some people might carry on regardless and if this is the case, alternate action will need to be taken; from evasive action, to help from the authorities. However, when this relates to minor or accidental behaviour from others, the need to be assertive will arise.

Pleasing Others

And in order to do this, one must have their needs at the forefront of their mind and not the needs of another. If one is focused on pleasing another and on not causing any problems for example, then they might let another person walk all over them.

So one must value themselves and their own wellbeing or they could allow another to harm them, just to avoid being rejected or abandoned. This doesn’t mean that being assertive is about one becoming aggressive or manipulative.

Assertive

What it does mean is that one will protect themselves in a way that causes minimal damage to others. In the majority of cases another person won’t be harmed, but if one was in a situation that had put their life or the lives of the people around them at risk, then one might need to go further.

However, it will typically be non violent and will be just be a way for one to look after their own being.

Conflict

So if one already has boundaries and the people around them are aware of this, then there are not going to be many surprises. That is unless one goes into a new environment, but then the people in this new environment might not know what to expect.

When it comes to someone who hasn’t had boundaries and then begins to develop them, the people around them could be in for a big surprise. This is because they will have become comfortable with how one used to behave and now that they are changing, it is likely to create conflict.

In The Beginning

Over time, they might adapt or it could result in the relationship ending completely; it will naturally depend on many factors. But when one has just started to assert their boundaries, there could be resistance from others.

And this is going to be from the people that one spends most of their time with and all because these people are likely to have fixed ideas about what one is or is not like. So: friends, family, their partner and colleagues for example.

Change

If one has let others walk all over them, agreed to do things they didn’t really want to do or let others touch them in ways that are inappropriate, then it is only natural that other people are going to react strongly when one no longer puts up with being treated in these ways.

As a result of one changing, there is as strong chance that the people around them will come on even stronger. This will be done to make one behave in the ways that they used to. And when this does happen, it is likely to be something that happens unconsciously and out of their awareness.

Persistence

So one will need to stand their ground and do their best not to revert to their old ways or behaving. If another continues to behave in the same way and doesn’t change, then one might need to keep their distance or cut them out of their life altogether.

Emotional Experience

On one side will be the emotional experience that one is having through standing their ground. And this could involve feelings of being abandoned and rejected. Because even though one is starting to protect their personal space and doing the right thing, it could also trigger feelings that make them feel as though their survival is at risk.

And on the other side will be the emotional experience of the people that have been used to one having no boundaries. The experience that they have could also include feelings of being rejected and abandoned.

One doesn’t need to have done either, but when one says no to things they would have said yes to, other people can end up having these feelings and taking everything personally. And the feelings they are having could go back to their childhood and be a sign that they need to emotionally separate from their caregivers.

Awareness

So when one forms boundaries for the first time there is going to be ones experience and the experience that another person has. However, one is not responsible for how other people feel and having boundaries means that one is not always going to please others.

One reason why forming boundaries can feel so difficult, even though it is healthy and functional, is due to ones history appearing. If one has not emotionally separated from their caregivers, then to separate from others is going trigger trapped feelings form their childhood that relate to their survival.

The assistance of a therapist or a healer may be required in order for one to release these trapped feelings and emotions. And as this take place, one will find it easier to stand their ground when they need to.

Emotional Body: How Can Someone Heal Their Emotional Body?

While it is clear that one has a physical body, what might not be as clear is that one also has an emotional body. So much attention has been placed on the mind or what could be called the mental body, that emotions often seen as being insignificant.

And that the only time emotions do appear is when one has certain thoughts. This often creates the impression that emotions are just an effect of how one does or doesn’t think. Based on this outlook, one’s mind is in control and emotions are at the mercy of one’s thoughts.

If one was to go along with this and adhere to the perspective that their thoughts are in control, then it will be vital that one ‘masters’ their mind. And if ones thoughts create their feelings, then what else would someone do.

In order to change something, it is often said that one needs to go to the root of the problem. And with thoughts being seen as the cause, it is only natural that one would place their attention solely on their mind.

A Deeper Look

However, just because something has been around for a while, is believed by a lot of people or is something that ‘experts’ or authority figures stand by, it doesn’t mean that it is the truth. What was seen as being correct at one point in time can be seen as completely inaccurate at another time.

Thoughts can define how one feels; to think about a beach is generally going to make one feel different than if they were to think about their house being destroyed. And while this is true, ones feelings can also play a part in how they think.

Emotional Beings

To hear that humans are emotional beings that think might sound out of place. What might sound more accurate would be to say that we are thinking beings that feel. And as much as one might want to see themselves as always acting through logic or reason, behaviour is generally the result of how we feel.

After this, the mind gets involved and creates some kind of logical reason or justification for how one has behaved. But no matter how what the mind comes up with, emotions were the driving force.

Impact

So not only can our emotional body influence how we think, it can also have an impact on our physical body. And yet through a lack of awareness when it comes to emotions and the effect they have, dis-ease is generally seen as being a consequence of one’s DNA for instance.

But just because one is unaware of something, it doesn’t mean that it is not having an effect on their life. Emotions can be ignored and dismissed when it comes to ones physical health and yet that doesn’t mean that one is immune to their effects.

Emotional Problems

One thing that could make one want to heal their emotional body is due to them suffering from emotional problems. But, even if one doesn’t think that they have emotional problems, they might find that they behave in ways that are dysfunctional and that their mind is out of control.

These two things might appear to have nothing to do with how one feels and yet how one feels can be the cause of what is going on in their mind and how they behave. For example, if one is experiencing emotions that are not too pleasant, one way of dealing with them, in the short term, is to obsessively think about something or to become addicted to doing something.

What the mind is doing is regulating how one feels. And if these feelings were not there one wouldn’t need to become obsessed with ideas or fantasy’s or addicted to people or rituals, simply because their emotional body would be at ease.

Different Areas

Although it can seem as though emotions are only experienced in one part of one’s body or even that their mind is creating these emotions, each emotion that one feels is experienced in a different area of their body.

The chest area is where one can feel: abandoned, rejected, grief, sadness and loss. Above the stomach one can feel: hopeless, powerless, shame, loss of control and death. And further down, in the stomach, is where guilt can be felt and then under that in ones hips, is where fear can be felt.

There are other emotions and other places; these are some of the main areas.

Trapped Emotions

So while one can feel guilt when they have gone against their own values or feel rejected when a relationship ends and then gradually settle down, it is also possible for someone to end up being stuck there.

And to constantly feel guilty, rejected or even ashamed or to feel this way in certain environments is going to cause one to suffer. When one ends up being emotionally stuck, it can be the result of having trapped emotions in their body.

Causes

One of the biggest reasons why someone has trapped emotions in their body is because they have experienced some kind of trauma. As their feelings were not processed, they then stayed in their body. This could relate to: childhood abuse, the loss of a loved one or a car accident.

The Usual Approach

Now, when it comes to dealing with the emotional body and releasing these emotions, to enable one to be emotionally free, a masculine approach is not what is needed. This approach is all about doing and not being.

When one feels down about something, it is common for people to say: stay positive, keep your head up or they should just let go, amongst other things. And while his would work if it related to something physical in nature, emotions are not physical things.

The mind can repress or deny what is too painful to face. But this is unlikely to deal with how one feels, it is simply avoidance. These emotions can then end up being trapped in one’s body and control their whole life.

The Mind

And while the mind can live in a fantasy world and pretend that everything is fine, the body, as well as their relationships, will reveal exactly what is going on for someone. The body doesn’t lie as Alice Miller once said; whereas the mind can be full of lies and illusions.

One problem with today’s world is that we often ignore the body and only listen to what the mind has to say. The truth is then ignored and what is not true becomes the truth and this can include the world at large and our own personal lives.

Awareness

So if the trapped emotions are not dealt with through doing or through force, how are they dealt with? They have to be faced and felt and as this is done, they will gradually be released. This is unlikely to be something that happens overnight and could take a while.

The assistance of a therapist or a healer might be necessary. If one was to face their emotions by themselves, it could be overwhelming.